Before we left on honeymoon, I posted the speech I had made over dinner at Roots, after our wedding. I spoke about ease and compatibility and intimacy and friendship, using other words perhaps but all centering around the same things, which seem so central to our happiness as a couple. And in his uniquely crafted ceremony, Chris Page, who officiated, spoke of the importance of being both together and apart, and of loving and forgiving ourselves, as an essential element in a balanced and fulfilling marriage relationship.
We are two adults in our fifties, Rob and I, with a lifetime of experience and individual growth behind us, and the rest of a lifetime ahead. Love and marriage, we both feel, is not about losing ourselves in the other, but deepening and broadening our individuality, through our sharing, through the interplay of thought, feeling and experience, through bringing our best selves into the relationship.
It was rather lovely, therefore, to come across this article today in the New York Times, entitled ‘The Happy Marriage is the ‘Me’ Marriage’ – not, as you might infer from the title, a tale of selfishness, but a narrative of growth and personal enrichment. You might like to give it a look.